We all do it to ourselves.
Call ourselves names especially when we’re vulnerable or when we’re at our lowest or weakest ebb.
This morning, I muttered: “Because I am stupid.”
Talk about bullying. We seem to feel that if we can’t bully ourselves, then no one else should. And, you’re right. We shouldn’t be bullying ourselves by calling ourselves names that degrade us or bring down our morales.
How many of us do call ourselves names when things don’t go right. When we’re following directions and the wrench slips in our hands or the hammer or some other object that can do bodily harm to ourselves in a matter of moments.
How many of us call ourselves ‘dummies’ or ‘idiots’ when we fail the simple task asked of ourselves by our children, spouse, relatives, or peers? You don’t often say it outloud loud enough for your fellow peers or family to hear in case they agree with what you’re saying.
We have an entire culture that belittles themselves at the drop of a hat, and nothing is ever done about it. Whereas if someone outside of ourselves call us those names we surely would stick up for ourselves and demand an apology.
So, I’m asking. Why don’t we demand an apology of ourselves when we use those same names on ourselves when we feel that we’ve done something stupid, idiotic, or just plain dumb?
It’s a built in reflex. I suppose it comes with our genes this need to take ourselves down every time we fail to do a project right, answer properly to a spouse, relative or child because it makes us feel better.
In other words, it lightens our load. It makes us feel that we can take ourselves down. It’s okay.
In my book, it’s not okay to take yourself down, to belittle yourself, or tell yourself repeatedly that you’re a dumbass or how could you be so stupid? It’s easy to affix blame to someone else when you’ve made a mistake. It’s also just as equally easy to call yourself names in a flash moment of frustration, despair, or I’m drowning. There are ways though that you can start reforming yourself so that you don’t walk into that trap of calling yourself names.
Remember, your kid’s antennas are always up and listening so don’t say anything out loud that you don’t want them repeating and using on themselves. That’s how dynasties of name calling are born.
First thing is, don’t call yourself a bad name. You made a mistake. You’re human. You will make a mistake. That’s how you learn.
Two, use another word in its place like you’re brilliant and leave it like that even if you don’t feel brilliant. Look at it this way, you’re not putting yourself down nor are you teaching your children to put themselves down at the same time.
Third, when the sudden urge comes past your lips, change that bullying word to something that you can live with or can live up to. Curse words are not always good because you should come to a point in your life where you don’t lather soap into your mouth.
Fourth, invent nonsense words to take the place of those degrading word. Find something that will settle your nerves, comfort you, or get you past the point where you start to feel better about yourself.
There’s no sentence set in stone that you have to bully yourself whenever something goes wrong. Look at the situation as an object lesson and learn to overcome the urge to put yourself down.
You’re not stupid. You’re not an idiot. You’re not a dummie.
You’ve grown into a responsible adult.
So, act it!