Sometimes, I get the feeling that my body is against me. Have you ever gotten that feeling? No? Well, let me tell you.

It’s a real scary feeling. Or, let me put it this way.

Last year my Achilles Heels threatened to explode so I’m now wearing braces with the possibility of surgery somewhere down the road. I’ve been told not to take that route and stay away from it as long as possible.

This spring, summer, and fall, my knees attacked me. They both went out of joint, although it was the right knee that gave me the worst trouble. Now, with the help of physical therapy, I’ve learned how to re-walk, re-stand, re-sit, balance on one foot, balance on two feet, lean up against walls and squat, and other sundry exercises that I won’t bore you with.

Then, the other part of my womanly features decided to kick in and attacked me with a great deal of pain through my pelvic. Now, ladies, we all know the pressure in that area when we are about to give birth. Yeah, that bad. A combination split between a volcano erupting and someone kicking you in the stomach.

The first time it happened, it lasted 5 minutes. No big deal you say? Hmm, the second attack lasted 60 minutes. So, off I go to the doctor who orders me to the hospital to get a CT Scan and blood work. And, yup, you guessed it, everything came back clean, crisp, and normal. Not a speck of problems everywhere.

Well, almost everywhere. It seems that I misplaced or lost my left ovary. So, if anyone finds the darn thing, you can snail mail it back to me or bring it in personally, and yes, I’ll give you an award.

I understand that as you get older, those ovaries just hardened up into pathetic useless balls of glop. When they take CT scans, the technicians want to see the whole entire useless package of what was once an oasis in the middle of woman’s internal organs.

Mine has gone AWOL. So, be on the look-out. The last thing you want, guys, is to see that ovary marching toward you with a water pistol.

Being said, when your own body decides that one way or another it’s gonna get you, get you, get you, the only thing you can do is smile bravely and remember, “It’s a long road to Tipperary, It’s a long road I know!”

Brought to you by:

It’s a Long Way to Tipperary” is a British music hall song written by Jack Judge and co-credited to Henry James “Harry” Williams.[1] It was allegedly written for a 5-shilling bet in Stalybridge on 30 January 1912 and performed the next night at the local music hall. Now commonly called “It’s a Long Way to Tipperary”, the original printed music calls it “It’s a Long, Long Way to Tipperary.” It became popular among soldiers in the First World War and is remembered as a song of that war.

Welcoming signs in the referenced county of Tipperary, Ireland, humorously declare, “You’ve come a long long way…” in reference to the song.


About Lillian Cauldwell

Own and operate an Internet Talk Radio Network for 10 years, 2005 to Present Published Author of Non-Fiction Book, 1996, "Teenagers! A Bewildered Parent's Guide. Published Author of several fiction books, 2006 "Sacred Honor" and 20010 "The Anna Mae Mysteries: The Golden Treasure." Playwright of Theater of the Absurd and Black Comedies. Screenwriter, Black Comedies